My Flaws.

Why I want to call this stuff "my flaws" collectively is something I cannot even guess. I feel like I am put under pressure to consider myself imperfect as I am, which is not something I take any pleasure in, whatsoever.

I love to have fun, and I never have fun at the expense of others. I never like to see others suffer. I never like to see myself suffer.

I guess my problem is that I'm lazy. I can't get around the fact that I have to do little assignments no matter what my career is.

I can't explain it, but I just don't see a career in my future. I don't see much activity. At least, not until I'm much older, and more prepared to take risks. As a young man, I'm afraid of risks, and surprises. I like to know the world around me is not going to jump out and kill me. I like to know that I'm taking precautions to keep myself safe.

Yet I remain incredibly lazy.

I don't know if I work at all or not. I know that when I want to, I am capable of great action, methodical action, and successful action. I also know that when I don't want to do something, I am incapable of doing it without wasting hours of hardship forcing my mind to simply do it.

I doubt everyone has an equal experience to myself, so I guess telling the world about it is practically a silly endeavor.

Still, I think my life will come to have some meaning when it is spent in contemplation, creation, and enjoyment of the world; and not in labor.

My room is frighteningly messy. I feel empty without the junk on the floor. There is an acceptable level of clutter that I allow, but I don't like to have things tangled or buried when they are potentially hazardous.

I have a rule to my life, but it is not the sort that seems to be accepted by most people. I have an order that I follow, but apparently it is something of a mystery to the people I know.

I am a very passionate person, I think, but I am also very happy to be given everything that I have been given in my life. All the gifts in my life, whether wanted or not, are things that I'm glad I have received. This is not due to all of them being fortunately desirable. In fact, I think the things we hate most about our lives are the things that are most important to giving our lives definition. Either that, or the things that are in opposition to the prevailing nature of things... those are the defining things in the world. It is not the floor that has definition. It is the stuff that has been laid upon it.

I take my leave from the post now, and hope to return soon.

You will be well, and you should be well.