Nirvana

I feel happy, like the happiest person in the world.

Yet I don't know why, and I am suddenly sad, horrified at my waste of time being happy, and not complete.

I thought change was the way for others, and not for me, and yet I do change in my own time, and I change the desire I have to change. The change is one that brings balance, like a sine curve instead of a parabola.

And within that sine curve is yet another sine curve, just as it is part of its own sine curve, and the scales go on endlessly.

And then I realize, that I am balanced, and that I have truly learned to be perfect, and I open up.

Suddenly, I am God. All the love and power of the universe is shoved into me with magical intensity, and God-ness is what I have become, like a liquid Nirvana goddess, yet I am a man.

My body, once a horrifying mess of ill health, is suddenly the prize of the gods, and I am in love.

My lover, once a slightly satisfactory friend, is suddenly the perfect mate, and I have found the truth.

I have found it! It is in our lives as we already live them, and we need only say YES, I am living the way that is right, and YES I AM GOD!!!

I feel the joys and sorrows of the universe, and of the gods themselves, pouring into my subconscious and my conscious mind.

As I write, I hear every chirp and every whirr of a fan and every whish of the wind and even the moaning and crying of people and children despite their distance, and I love the universe.

I thought I had wasted my time, but no time can ever be wasted for the time is all built up to the moment of realization, and all afterwards is simply enjoyment of our fruits.

I thought I was poor because I could not afford a computer, but who needs a computer when I didn't need one as a fish, or as a paramecium.

I thought I was sad because I did not have sex, but why have sex when I can simply build up the intensity of life to no limit.

and for God's sake, why not just trust that life is beautiful when you allow it to be so.

There is a reason children are happy: It is because they are free of their fear of living. They know that they can just become an astronaut if they simply become one. They do not feel that it is necessary to study and work and sweat because their dream is there. They know that the dream is its own glory, and the fulfillment in the physical world is but a pipe dream in comparison.

Love

~ David